The 1970s were a time for excess in all areas. Rock music was not exception. An often overlooked, if not completely forgotten 70s supergroup is Matty Lou’s Home-Cooked Chicken Dinner. This band was the most ambitious supergroup in the history of American popular music. The band featured members of mega-70s rock acts Moot Whistle Express, Franken-Funk, J.P. & the All-Star White Boy Jam Band, Heavy Whipping Cream, and Blues Smashers featuring Johnny Bricks.
The convergence of enormous egos, prolific drug-taking, and alcohol binges combined with an abundance of sexually transmitted diseases, not to mention the logistical nightmare of recording and touring with a band this size, made MLHCD the obvious candidate for “Worst Idea in Music History,” which it most definitely was.
Origin
The idea for the group formed when five of the biggest blues-based, funk-inspired bands of the ‘70s toured together on the Southern Fried Music Festival circuit in the summer of 1975. After one late night/early morning party/jam session over several cases of whisky and far too many lines of foo-foo dust, various band members and managers thought it would be a good idea to put together the biggest rock and roll supergroup ever assembled.
Johnny Bricks
Tragedy
The MLHCD band featured 15 lead guitarists, 10 rhythm guitarists, five drummers, five bass players, a 25-piece horn section, five keyboardists, 13 harmonica players, and seven theremin players in addition to a giant entourage of groupies, accountants, lawyers, drug dealers, and spiritual advisors.
The combined assemblage of musicians, groupies, managers, crew, and assorted hangers-on numbered in the hundreds. This all led to tragedy one August night in Chattanooga, TN when the stage collapsed under the collective weight of the band and its equipment. Similar incidents occurred in Tallahassee, FL, Birmingham, AL, and Jackson, MS, which resulted in the death of the entire theremin section, an occurrence not noticed until three shows later in Tupelo, MS.
Splintering off of 70s Supergroup
Construction on the massive multi-million dollar studio necessary to record the band was underway in early ‘76, but the infighting among a dozen or so factions within the supergroup led to it breaking up into several sub supergroups. Eventually, most members returned to their original bands with some misplaced members ending up in different bands either by accident or on purpose.
The group failed to record or play more than a handful of shows and its biggest individual stars are barely footnotes1 in musical history today.
Footnotes
1Johnny Bricks, Anthony “Too Tall Tony” Jackson, Ricky Lee McDonough, Little Peabody, Buddy Rivers, Rudy St. Cloud, Guitar Smyth, Mae-Mae McRae, Buck Wednesday, Little Z., Big Oak Johnson, Blind Turnip Jackson, Deaf Willy McGreif, Sassafras Jones, Lil Petes, Alice Chong, Suzie Gronkowski, Shorty Johnson, Junior Parcells, Quinten “Cornbread” Williams, Shady Lane, Renée LeTurk, Cheri “Cola” Collins, Lovey Daniels, Gordo Lopez, Tio Rodriguez, Shelly “Longhair” Rosenstein, J.P. Lamar, Roosevelt Jones, Orenthal “Big Duck” Freedman, Maria Del Fuego, Abner Brown, Whitey Black, Sonny Boy Buckner, Cletus Keester, Turnipseed Thompson, Young Willy, Leon Theremin, Jr.
More Forgotten Music Masters
If you enjoyed reading about this 70s supergroup, perhaps you’ll enjoy this entry on Emo Rapper ‘Lil Magneezy.
This Matty Lou’s Home-Cooked Chicken Dinner bio was originally published in Forgotten Music Masters which is still available for purchase.
Aesop may have fabricated ancient parables and old timey allegories, but for modern fables, you better let the Reglar Wiglar take care of that. Here is a cautionary tale about not being nice to your server. It’s called…
The Server and the Ass
One day an ass dined at a local eatery. He ordered his meal with many substitutions and special instructions and was irritated when it was not prepared to his exact specifications. The ass also asked for many complimentary refills of his beverage and sent the server on countless errands to fetch various seasonings and condiments.
The ass’s many demands kept the server quite busy and forced her to neglect the needs of her other customers. After the ass finished, leaving not one crumb on his plate, he demanded a discount on his meal. “This meal was a disappointment,” said the ass to the server, “and I believe some form of restitution is in order.” The server gave the man his check for nine dollars and ninety cents.
This meal was a disappointment. I believe some form of restitution is in order.
— The Ass
The ass placed a ten-dollar bill on the table and began to read his newspaper. The server glanced at the money as she passed by on her way to deliver a bowl of hot noodles to another table. The ass, noticing the look of dejection on her face, said, “Do not be shocked, young lady, tipping is at the discretion of the customer.”
“Yes, but so is this,” replied the server as she dumped the bowl of hot noodles on the ass’s head.
MORAL: Don’t be an ass to your server.
Read more modern fables
The “Server and the Ass” was originally published in Reglar Wiglar #27, copies of which are available from my online shop. If you enjoyed this ridiculous articles, there’s plenty more like it on my blog.
Perhaps the biggest news ‘round here is that RoosterCow HQ has moved. As much as I enjoyed living in Portage Park (shoutouts to Howling Pages and Tone Deaf Records) a change of scenery was in order.
And, after eight years of of owning a 125-year-old home, it is a relief not worrying about a leaky this or that, or lawn mowing, or weeding, and especially snow shoveling.
At any rate, we are back east of the Chicago River. In fact, my partner Sarah and I, along with Snippet the Whippet, live on the east bank of the river which brings an interesting mix of insects, nocturnal animals, and an occasional blast of stinky river stench.
Speaking of comics and zines, the RoosterCow store has moved as well. The Moving Sale is now the Moved Sale. Take advantage of up to 50% off select items. Every order will receive a copy of my new publication You’re Doing It Wrong & Other Poems which is not available anywhere else on the planet.
But wait, there’s more! For a limited time, orders over $25 will include a Sssnakes!!! Case featuring all 5 issues of my Sssnakes!!! mini comic plus a plastic snake friend. Plastic lasts forever!
If anyone has wondered where I have been for the past five months or so, at least on the socials, allow me to explain. I needed to take a step back from social media for the same reasons we all do from time to time. I hope that explains it.
At any rate, I hope to begin posting on the reg soon. If you’re so inclined, you can follow @roostercownow and/or my personal account @chris.auman on the Instagram.
That said, the best way to stay informed about new releases is by signing up to the RoosterCow Newsletter. It’s quarterly and sometimes less than that.
RoosterCow Goes Broke
The RoosterCow has gone broke. Don’t worry, it will be glued back together again! Sadly, this is what happens when you take a plunge off a 3-foot shelf onto a hardwood floor… and you’re made of plastic.
Panic at the RoosterCow Distro
As a result of the move mentioned above, the past six months have been a time of paring down, minimizing, and getting rid of stuff. It’s one of the reasons I decided to shutter the RoosterCow Distro and make changes to the RoosterCow Store.
Running the store for the past three years has been a great learning experience. It was a pleasure working with so many talented creators and publishers. It was a challenge and I enjoyed it, but, as I often do, I spread myself too thin and need to pull back a bit. For the time being, I will be focusing on making stuff and spending less time on the hustle of selling comics and zines.
The End of Used Records & Tapes
Another ending! UR&T was perhaps the most popular and the most successful RoosterCow project. By successful I mean that each issue broke even. Of course, we’re talking success by zine standards. That means small print runs selling in a handful of brick and mortar outlets and through a few websites. By any measure, it was a success in my eyes and I am grateful for it. It was a great experience, but I don’t think I can maintain the enthusiasm going forward. So, thank you to all contributors. If you’re hankering to read some reviews, I’ve been posted a few of them on chris.auman.com.
Also, this doesn’t mean it’s the 100% end of the project. I could get the itch again and maybe an anthology with new entries could happen in the future? Who knows. It would eliminate the need to keep all five issues in print. For now UR&T #1 is out of print, but there are still copies of the other issues available.
The following Mötley Crüe Shout at the Devil album review by Chris Auman was published in Used Records & Tapes #1 [RoosterCow Press]
Hurtin’ Crüe
I used to hate the Crüe back in the day. Hated them. Hated their look, their attitude, and especially the horrible, godawful music they made. I could not understand how anybody could like them. Unfortunately for me, the majority of my small group of high school friends (and rural Illinois in general) were into metal and really into the Crüe. But my friends weren’t cool metal dudes with long hair, jean jackets, muscle cars, and the whiff of moral turpitude (they wished!). Their hair was as long as they were allowed to grow it, one or two may have had a jacket made of some denim-like material, and I guess a 1970 Plymouth Duster counts as a muscle car—but anyway, my point is this: I hated the Crüe. Hated them.
In the ‘80s, I had my own favorite double umlaut band: Hüsker Dü. They were more abrasive, smarter, angrier, and more real than the
Crüe could ever hope to be. They weren’t posers. None of them wore lipstick or hair-spray like the Crüe. Two of the Hüskers were gay, but they played against stereotypes and didn’t play dress up like the metal boys did. That irony was surely lost on the legions of homophobic hair metal bands and their fans of the time.
Mötley Crüe Shout at the Devil
Shout at the Devil was the follow up to the Crüe’s debut, Too Fast for Love—a rough recording with even more annoying vocals, lower production values, and lots of cowbell. Shout got as high as 17 on the Billboard 200 chart with “Looks That Kill.” “Too Young to Fall in Love” also broke the Billboard Hot 100 in 1984. This record was a shrewd move on the Crüe’s part because they didn’t sing about the devil much before, nor have they since.
It paid dividends for them at the time, however, because anything with even a hint of devil worship sold like hot cakes fresh from Satan’s oven. As for the actual music on the album; the drumming is horrible, Mick Mars on guitar ain’t all that, you can’t really hear much of Nikki Sixx’s bass, and Vince Neil’s voice and the production on the record are both as thin as one of Tommy Lee’s Zildjian crash cymbals.
Don’t get me wrong, I love me some good metal, but the glam stuff just never washed with me. Give me some Maiden, Sabbath, Metallica, sure. Cinderella, Poison, Crüe, you can have it, düde.
Drink Mötley Brüe
I made a version of the fake ad below to piss off a metal friend of mine in 1985. He was not amused. It’s a little heavy handed. I get that now.
So I was looking for a job on the Internets one day and I happened upon an ad for a work from home scam. It was in the form of a company in search of a Customer Service Representative. At first, there was no reason to suspect that the ad wasn’t legit, but judge for yourself:
XXXX, Inc. is a leading custom software, web, and database development company delivering world-class outsourcing services for both Fortune 500 and venture start-up companies around the globe. Currently, we are looking for a Customer Service Representative.
RESPONSIBILITIES:
• Follows departmental policies and procedures, particularly in regards to customer confidentiality
• Accurately enters or confirms customer information into database; initiates and/or completes proper request forms in assisting customers.
• Effectively uses computer systems for tracking, information gathering, and/or troubleshooting.
• Performs any other duties assigned
MINIMUM KNOWLEDGE, SKILLS AND ABILITIES REQUIRED:
High school education or equivalent. Must be able to perform data entry and basic computer skills.
Seemed like your run-of-the-mill customer service rep job ad. There was no mention of pay or location, although I assumed that it was Chicago-based since it was advertised on the Chicago Reader’s website. I sent in my résumé and to my surprise received an email response from Recruiting Agent, Daniel Clarke. My application is under review, the email said. Mr. Clark also informed me that his employer was looking for a customer service agent to work from home for $20 an hour.
Here is the email:
January 26, 2009, 8:25:21 AM CST
My name is Daniel Clarke, Recruiting Agent to XXXX, Inc. We have received your job application posted to us; your resume is under review. Below is the applicant we are looking for.
JOB DESCRIPTION:
Class Title: Customer Service Representative
Class Code: 9933
Job Class: Independent Employee (Work from Home)
Pay Grade: 509
Salary: $20/Hour, 5-8hrs a day, Monday – Friday (Monthly Payment)
RESPONSIBILITIES:
• Follows departmental policies and procedures, particularly in regards to customer confidentiality
• Effectively uses computer systems for tracking, information gathering, and/or troubleshooting.
• Receiving and disbursement of Payment to Orphanage Homes
REQUIREMENTS:
• Phone Line & Internet
• Computer PC or Notebook
BRIEF INTERVIEW:
• Do you have a Computer and Internet and a Phone Line?
• Do you have another Job and if yes, Is it a full-time Job or a part -time Job.
• Will you be able to dedicate at least 5 hours (Part-time) or 8 hrs (Full Time) per day 9am-2pm or 9am-5pm, Monday – Friday?
The “Payment to Orphanage Homes” line made me suspect this was a work from home scam, but whatever, you get desperate sometimes, and let’s face it, even with a substantial amount of padding, my résumé is not all that impressive. At any rate, I answered Daniel Clark’s brief interview questions and received a response the following day:
January 27, 2009, 10:09:21 AM CST
Thank you for your email, your answers to the question has been received and approved. You will be working from home as an independent employee and you will need to have a computer with internet connectivity at home in order to be effective in this job.
This is a work from home position and your location do not matter, you will be working on General Customer Service duties, your assignments will be made available to you via email, phone and IM, you will be assigned with a supervisor that will guide you through your assignments, your salary will be made available to you by certified check or wire transfer.
Attached is a Contract Agreement Form (CAF) with contains our terms and conditions associated with this position. Review the contract agreement form carefully, sign the last page the CAF and return back via email or fax. Contact via email as soon as you have sent the signed CAF to transfer you to your supervisor for your complete employment profile and assignment updates.
Regards,
Daniel Clarke
Recruiter Officer
XXXX, INC
Suddenly Daniel Clarke’s diction and grammar appear to suffer (“your location do not matter”?) and payment by wire transfer should have been a red flag. At any rate, I signed the form and emailed it back. It may have been at this point that I noticed that Mr. Clark’s e-mail address was somewhat suspicious as well. The domain name was not the company he professed to work for but a Yahoo email account. Classic work from home scamand the following day I received a congratulatory email from Mr. Clark:
January 28, 2009, 4:13:13 AM CST
Congratulations!! This is a confirmation message to let you know that your signed CAF has been received successfully. Fill out the Form below and have them forward to your Supervisor (Mr. Joe) to Email Address: xxxxxxx@yahoo.com for your complete employment file setuP.
You are required to setup a screen name with Yahoo messenger immediately and instant message your supervisor (Mr. Joe) on yahoo ID: joe2desk, to provide you with more information on the job and when to start working.
Note: The Yahoo messenger will be your major means of communication
Congratulation ones again for been part of XXXX, INC, please contact your supervisor via email and Instant Messenger so that he can provide you with more information on the job and your complete employment setup.
Regards,
Daniel Clarke
Recruiter Officer
XXXX, INC.
Mr. Clark seemed genuinely elated at my hiring. “Congratulation ones again,” he had written. I filled out the employee data form and forwarded it to “Mr. Joe”. I was willing to play this out provided they didn’t ask me for my social security number. The next day I received an email from my new supervisor, Mr. Joe:
January 29, 2009, 7:18:35 AM CST
Welcome to XXXX Inc, My name is Joe Phillip; I will be your Supervisor for the Customer Service Representative.
You will need to be online on the yahoo messenger to receive updates on your daily assignment, your working hours are from 8am-4pm or 8am-1pm your time, depending on the hours you applied.
Note: The time you are online determines your pay as we have a program installed to the yahoo messenger that keep tracks of the time you are online. You will receive a paycheck at the end of every 30 days via regular mail.
You will need to report directly to me for anything you need, I will be ONLINE ON THE YAHOO MESSENGER to guide you through your assignments.
My yahoo ID is joe2desk; instant messenger me now to receive updates on your assignments.
Joe Phillip, Supervisor
XXXX, INC
I went ahead and set up a Yahoo IM account so that I could communicate with Joe Phillip, Supervisor. I received this e-mail the following day.
January 30, 2009, 9:42:39 AM CST
The Company has introduced a Domestic Petty Cash Payment; The purpose for this funds is to help employees solve any domestic or emergency assignments that may require the use of funds. E.g. Shipping Payments, Sales Payments, Payments to Orphanages, Packaging/Tapes, Bills and any other related domestic Payments.
OBJECTIVES: Receive Petty Cash Payment
INSTRUCTIONS:
• Notify Supervisor as soon as you receive payment by regular mail, FedEx or UPS.
• Have funds cashout (sic) from your bank.
• Alert Supervisor as soon as a fund is available for further assignment update.
I will need you to re-confirm your full name and mailing address for the delivery.
Regards,
Joe Phillip, Supervisor
Again he asks me for my full name and mailing address which had been provided to the company twice already. I did not respond to this particular email and it would be the last email I would receive from either Joe or Daniel. From here on out, I would be communicating with my Supervisor via Instant Messenger. Unfortunately, I did not think to save those early IM communications, but every morning when I turned on my computer, never at the scheduled 8 a.m. start time, but usually around 10 a.m., I would have this message waiting for me: “How are you this morning?” to which I would always reply “good” and that would be it for the day.
This would go on for days at a time. Some days I would forget to log on altogether. Joe didn’t seem to mind and there were never any assignments anyway. This went on for a week or two and then morning Joe caught me off guard:
8:16AM
Joe: Good Morning. How are you doing today…
10:17AM
Joe: where have you been?
10:19AM
chris.auman: I’ve been busy working on assignments and I guess I forgot to sign in to yahoo this morning. Sorry about that, boss.
10:20AM
Joe: you need to always stay online
10:20AM
chris.auman: ok, sorry. What’s up?
10:20AM
Joe: so how are you doing with your assignment?
10:21AM
chris.auman: Good. It’s a tough one, but I am making good progress.
That fact that I had not been assigned anything, didn’t seem to faze either one of us. It was just important for him that I be online from 8 a.m. to 1 p.m. I had already decided this was a work from home scam and that Joe was most likely somewhere in Western Africa at a crowded Internet cafe filled with Nigerian princes all trying to think of new ways to import those Yankee dollars. In spite of this reprimand from the boss, I made no effort to sign in earlier than 10 a.m. and sometimes did not sign in at all. Usually he didn’t seem to mind. Here is an example of a typical instant message from Joe:
10:30AM
Joe: Hello. How are you?
10:30AM
chris.auman: good
10:30AM
Joe: ok, let me know if you need anything
10:31AM
chris.auman: ok.
After several more weeks of this, Joe must have decided that the hook was sufficiently baited, I was on the line and it was time to reel me in. I received these instructions:
10:22AM
Joe: good Morning, how are you. The Company has introduced a Domestic Petty Cash Payment; the purpose for this fund is to help employees solve any domestic or emergency assignments that may require the use of funds. E.g. Shipping Payments, Packaging/ Tapes, Postages and any other related domestic Payments. You are required take 5-10 mins of your time to set up an account with www.FaceCard.com to received a Prepaid Face MasterCard for this purpose, click the link to signup http://xxxxxxxx.php
Email me with the account login details to enable the company credit the account with funds as as soon as you are through with the signup. Let me know if you need anything, brb
“Brb” meaning Be Right Back, which he never was, btw. At any rate, I chose to ingore this message as well. A few uneventul days later, I recieved this message from Mr. Joe:
10:30AM
Joe: how are you doing with your assignment
10:31AM
chris.auman: Which assignment?
10:32AM
Joe: I need you to map-out the industrial areas of your State and find out the available lands in those areas that are yet to be developed or for sale. If unable to locate such then look up very good real estate agents in your location and retrieve their contact details. Let me know if you need anything
Of course I did not do this assignment and Joe made no further inquiries as to its progress. Everything was smooth sailing with this work from home scam until Joe dropped this bombshell on me one morning:
10:50AM
Joe: where have u been?
10:53AM
chris.auman: Just making some coffee.
10:54AM
Joe: you are not taking this job serious are u
11:01AM
chris.auman: I have not received any instructions or assignments or anything but “good mornings” for over a week. What is there to take serious? I just sit here all day and do nothing.
11:08AM
Joe: Note that your assignments are been put together at the controller office. and as soon as i have it i will send them to you… but still make sure that you are always online to receive updates on your assignment
I hadn’t heard about The Controller previously. I didn’t know that it was the Controller’s job to send me assignments. This Controller seemed to be quite a slacker and not very diligent in his or her work. I made no effort to comply with Joe’s wishes that I log in on time. That was fine for a few days, then Joe got somewhat cryptic:
10:00AM
Joe: Morning to you. you are invisible
10:02AM
chris.auman: i haven’t heard from you in a week.
10:06AM
Joe: could you reconfirm your mailing address as i just receive an update from the controller office that petty cash will be mailed to you tomorrow and your salary will be mailed next week. please reconfirm your full legal name and mailing address for delivery
10:07AM
chris.auman: i’ve confirmed it many times already. why don’t you have it?
10:08AM
Joe: as ur supervisor am telling you to reconfirm it. do that now!
10:10AM
chris.auman: can you tell me why i would need petty cash?
10:13AM
Joe: the petty cash funds will be used to solve any assignment that
require the use of money. purchasing office equipments or softwares. making payment to shipping company for shipment of office supplies
10:14AM
chris.auman: so i would use the money to ship office equipment from where to where?
10:14AM
Joe: supplies will be shipped to you
10:15AM
chris.auman: what kind of supplies? to be used for what?
10:16AM
Joe: custom designed supplies, laptops printer softwares for your assignments it will be full loaded with the companies softwares
that computer equipment; laptop computer, printer, etc, etc, etc
10:19AM
Joe: are they customised to the company needs
10:19AM
chris.auman: i think they are.
End of the Scam
I was becoming bored with Joe and his work from home scam. Our weird dance of courtship was no longer providing me any amusement, so one day I decided to take the crazy up a notch or two and see if I could entice Joe back into the game. In the interest of saving space, here is a very condensed version of the message I sent him:
12:12PM
chris.auman:
Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?
Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?
Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?
Is the controller in control/
Who controls the controller?
I heard nothing so I lodged a formal complaint with Daniel Clark:
Dear Mr. Clark,
I would like to lodge a formal complaint against one of your employees, Mr. Joe Phillip who I have found to be abusive and mean in his treatment of me. I work diligently on my assignments as they are assigned by the Controller, yet this does not prevent Mr. Joe from harassing me about not being logged into my Yahoo IM at all times. What am I, some sort of robotic machine?
Mr. Joe sometimes asks me what I am wearing which is no small outrage in today’s modern day workplace environment. Furthermore, I believe the man to be a drunkard with few, if any scruples. His vile temper and sometimes violent BUZZing noises are disturbing to someone of my mental condition, which I assure you is under complete control with the proper medication. Am I not a valuable and highly productive part of the XXXX Team? The answer is a yes in the affirmative. All who know my work would enthusiastically agree. I demand treatment as such!
I look forward to you taking immediate action in this regard.
Very respectfully yours,
C. Auman
I received no reply to my complaint to Mr. Daniel who was most likely Mr. Joe as well. After a week of silence from this work from home scam, I sent Joe one last instant message to which he did respond:
10:08AM
chris.auman: i luv you.
10:09AM
joe: i luv you.
And it was over.
This blog post originally appeared as an entry title “The Controller” in Reglar Wiglar #24, which detailed my long and rich job history. Always read Reglar Wiglar!
