Aesop may have fabricated ancient parables and old timey allegories, but for modern fables, you better let the Reglar Wiglar take care of that. Here is a cautionary tale about not being nice to your server. It’s called…
The Server and the Ass
One day an ass dined at a local eatery. He ordered his meal with many substitutions and special instructions and was irritated when it was not prepared to his exact specifications. The ass also asked for many complimentary refills of his beverage and sent the server on countless errands to fetch various seasonings and condiments.
The ass’s many demands kept the server quite busy and forced her to neglect the needs of her other customers. After the ass finished, leaving not one crumb on his plate, he demanded a discount on his meal. “This meal was a disappointment,” said the ass to the server, “and I believe some form of restitution is in order.” The server gave the man his check for nine dollars and ninety cents.
This meal was a disappointment. I believe some form of restitution is in order.
— The Ass
The ass placed a ten-dollar bill on the table and began to read his newspaper. The server glanced at the money as she passed by on her way to deliver a bowl of hot noodles to another table. The ass, noticing the look of dejection on her face, said, “Do not be shocked, young lady, tipping is at the discretion of the customer.”
“Yes, but so is this,” replied the server as she dumped the bowl of hot noodles on the ass’s head.
MORAL: Don’t be an ass to your server.
Read more modern fables
The “Server and the Ass” was originally published in Reglar Wiglar #27, copies of which are available from my online shop. If you enjoyed this ridiculous articles, there’s plenty more like it on my blog.